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Wendy Thomas vs Ronald McDonald
Do we need to explain who's fighting and why? No, we really shouldn't need to. Let's see who rocks the best burgers and fries, and who fails and dies! Intro (New York Jazz Lounge, 0:00-0:45) It’s another regular day inside the McDonald’s restaurant, as several minimum-wage high school students serve up burgers and fries to hungry customers. It’s actually quite busier than normal, so Ronald McDonald himself has stepped into the kitchen to help, serving up smiles to all his guests. McDonald goes back into the kitchen and adds a cheeseburger and apple slices to a Happy Meal before taking out a princess doll and putting it in the box to complete it; the box sparkles upon being fully assembled, and Ronald brings it back out to the counter, where an eager Kratos snatches it up, hugs the doll, and runs out of the restaurant shining with happiness. “Robble robble” All the heads in the restaurant perk up upon hearing the familiar phrase, and Ronald steps into the seating area to listen for it again. “Robble robble” Ronald smiles and stands in front of the door just as the Hamburglar runs in, holding a cheeseburger wrapped in foil. McDonald stops him by grabbing the back of his shirt and holding him in the air, as the restaurant applauds him for halting the burger thief. Waving his finger in the Hamburglar’s face to say “no no no”, the clown takes the burger away and puts his friend down. Ronald then notices something odd about the burger; it doesn’t seem to be one of his. He flips it over in his hands, and on the other side of the foil is the Wendy’s logo. (Carmina Burana, 0:00-0:23) Ronald’s face turns to an expression of absolute horror, and he grips Hamburglar by the neck and starts wringing him, warning him about what he’s done. It’s too late, as one of the walls of the restaurant suddenly bursts open. The guests run out of the McDonald’s as fast as they can as a pair of red eyes lights up the smoke created by the explosion; the eyes are joined by a silhouette with iconic pigtails and a dress. Slowly, Wendy Thomas steps out of the wreckage, her face smiling happily yet still somehow filled with murder aimed at the company who would dare steal one of her burgers. (Hellhammer, 0:00-0:16) Ronald McDonald throws the Hamburglar away and backflips towards the counter, where he lands by two Happy Meal boxes. The clown punches down into them and grips the golden arch handles in between his fingers, prepared to use them as knuckle dusters. Wendy takes a step forward, and her pigtails come to life, punching each other in front of her face as if they have become sentient fists of hair. Announcer: GREAT VALUE FOR A GREAT BATTLE! READY! 'Fight!!!' Who are you rooting for? Wendy! Ronald! Draw! 60 (Hellhammer, 1:40-2:40) Thomas and McDonald run forward and meet in the middle of the seating area, letting their attacks loose. Ronald punches furiously, but his blows are perfectly blocked by Wendy’s pigtails, and he is eventually overwhelmed when Thomas herself suddenly grips him by the neck and kicks him in the crotch. Her pigtails both punch him in the face, making clown honking noises both times he’s hit, and Wendy then does a frontflip, twirling McDonald around in the air before throwing him across the restaurant. 55 Ronald crashes into the wall next to one of his fountain pop machines, and quickly sticks his finger into the nozzle of the coke dispenser. With his free hand, he activates it, spraying a high-pressure stream of cola straight towards Wendy. With her hair now soaked, she’s defenceless as Ronald jumps in and starts beating her up with a string of left and right hooks, followed by an uppercut to the jaw and a roundhose kick to knock her into the ground. As Wendy tries to get up, Ronald pulls out an extra-supersized fountain cup and shoves it on her head, trapping her entire upper body inside. With a heavy kick, Ronald sends her rolling across the restaurant, where she smashes through the door to the Playplace, flies into the bottom of the slide and continues travelling up inside it, bashing into the sides as she goes. When she finally flies out the top, she soars straight into the kitchen area, where Ronald is already waiting for her with a kick to the face. 41 Wendy gets up and pulls out a massive French fry from under her dress, holding it like a broadsword. Ronald smiles and pulls out two large fries of his own, duel-wielding them like katanas which he spins around in his hands. The two mascots jump at each other and start sword-fighting with their taters, matching McDonald’s speed against Wendy’s power. The clown blocks all of Thomas’ strikes until he catches her blade in-between his weapons; Wendy uses her foot to push Ronald away, and he slides backwards next to a large deep fryer. Ronald kicks it at Wendy, who jumps forward and slashes through it with her fry, sending hot grease all over the kitchen. As Wendy attacks Ronald again, he holds her off equally with his weapons, eventually pulling off a flip over her weapon to kick her in the face and send her stumbling back. 24 Wendy rolls and gets back on her feet, and then pulls a massive Frosty machine out of nowhere; holding her fry up to it, she covers it with Vanilla ice cream to increase its power; upon being fully coated, it shines brightly, with an angelic choir singing out. McDonald takes note of the tactic and pulls out his own McFlurry machine from hammer space. Upon trying to upgrade his weapons, however, nothing happens; Ronald barely catches a glimpse of the “out of order again” sign on his ice cream machine before Wendy rushes at him. This time, Wendy’s upgraded fry is superior, and she shatters Ronald’s defenses. 15 Now without a weapon, Ronald can’t stop the assault as Wendy bashes him repeatedly with her fry. After quite the number of hits, Wendy swings her fry like a baseball bat, sending Ronald flying through several pieces of kitchen equipment and burying him deep in wreckage. Wendy holds her fry over her shoulder thinking she’s won, but suddenly, a screen on one of the ovens covering Ronald lights up with the words “SUPERSIZE ME”. Ronald bursts out of the rubble, rapidly growing to an immense size and crashing through the roof of his restaurant. Now towering over Thomas, McDonald hoists a building-sized Big Mac... no, GIGANTIC Mac, over his head and brings it crashing down. 4'' Thinking quickly, Wendy grabs a Baconator from under her dress and rams it up into the Mac just as it hits her. The two burgers struggle against each other and send shockwaves throughout what’s left of the restaurant, but even with the size, gravity, price and popularity of the Big Mac, the Baconator’s perfection quickly overpowers the Big Mac and destroys it, sending a blast of energy upwards that incinerates Ronald McDonald as well. 'K.O!!! (Fairy Tale, 0:00-0:35) As the smoke clears from the destruction, all of the hungry McDonald’s customers slowly resurface and look around, unsure of where to eat. Wendy gets up on a table to stand above them all and holds the Baconator above her head. The clouds overhead part and a beam of light shines down onto the burger, and the customers all cry out for their new saviour. Conclusion (Repentance, 1:13) '''Announcer: THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS... WENDY THOMAS!!! Category:Adopted One Minute Melees Category:MP999 Category:Joke One Minute Melees Category:'Battle of the Genders' themed One Minute Melees Category:Completed What-If? One Minute Melees Category:2017 Category:Food and Drink themed One Minute Melees